Helping Others Handle Grief
Here are some notes on working through
grief which I got many years ago in a session in Colorado when I was learning
how to walk through grief with our missionaries, since missionaries go through
a lot of grief on various levels. I have found these notes helpful for myself
on many occasions and hope you will find them to be helpful for yourself or
others, as well.
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HELPING OTHERS HANDLE GRIEF
- Ken Williams, Ph.D. (given out with permission)
"Missionaries are a grieving people! Most of us find ourselves in situations
of loss, where grief is the normal response. We don't just grieve when we
lose a loved one. ANY loss can bring about grief. And grieving takes time.
We normally underestimate the amount of time it takes to work through our
grief issues.
Handling grief well is critical to survival and joy in hard times. Much of
what we call 'burnout" among missionaries may be unresolved grief.
IDEAS FOR HELPING OTHER HANDLE GRIEF
According to 2 Cor.1:3, 4, we who have been comforted by God are qualified
to comfort others with His comfort. God's Word makes clear that we need others
to help us through the grieving process. Following are some helpful things
you can do in helping those who grieve.
1. Help them acknowledge it and be honest. Job said to his 'friends', "My
eyes have grown dim with grief; my whole frame is but a shadow." (17:7).
Encourage them to express the grief to God, you and others. Job 30:25: "Have
I not wept for those in trouble? Has not my soul grieved for the poor?"
Ps.35:14: "I went about mourning...I bowed my head in grief as though
weeping for my mother." Let them know its OK to cry.
2. Urge them not to withdraw from others, but to seek help and comfort, first
from God but from others also. Ps. 88:9: "My eyes are dim with grief.
I call to you, O Lord, every day; I spread out my hands to you."
3. Remind them that anger is usually present in grief -- anger toward self,
God, others, or just life in general. 1 Sam. 20:34: "Jonathan got up
from the table in fierce anger...because he was grieved..." Sometimes
we need to forgive ourselves and others, and let go of any anger toward God
to get over the grief.
4. Help and encourage them to take time to sort out the grief. Urge them to
write out specifically what they grieve over -- to write their feelings to
God and ask Him to heal, and also to teach them through the process, so they
will grow in their knowledge of Him and of themselves.
5. Urge them not to fight the grief. We need to let the process be an opportunity
for rest, quietness, so we can grow through it. Is.30:15: "I repentance
and rest is your salvation, in quietness & trust is your strength, but
you would have none of it." May this not be said of us!
6. Encourage them to lay up God's Word in their heart. God's Word is living
and powerful, especially if we've laid it up on our heart and are meditating
and applying it to our lives. We need to be doing this when we're getting
along fine, and also when we're grieving. It really helps to pick out a promise
to lay up on our heart and claim when we're grieving."
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