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Grace's PERSONAL NEWSLETTER UPDATE |
Archives - INDEX to Personal newsletters
Re: THANK YOU and brief update *** delivered from the point of death
*** to LIFE!!
========================================================
Intro / Accident
/ At the Lowest Point / I
Want To Know the Fellowship of Your Sufferings and the Power of Your
Resurrection / Out of the Spiritual Desert/Winter
/ More Songs on the Horizon /
Further Encouragements / Dry Bones / God
Said... /
My dear Brothers and Sisters!! *** my life-support system!!!
How are you and your family¡¦s doing these days
and how are things going for you this summer? I hope you are experiencing
the Presence of the Lord in the midst of all that is going on! - whether
that¡¦s in the busyness or during your holidays!
I know it is a time when many believers are going through raging refining
fires and so my prayer is that the Lord sustain and uphold, comfort,
strengthen and encourage, lead and guide, deliver and renew you in these
times! May He build up the broken places and restore joy to you, and
if this has already been happening, may His joy and revival in your
hearts OVERFLOW with great abundance!!
You are on my heart constantly and in my prayers, and I¡¦m soooo forever
grateful for all your many on-going, patient and persevering prayers
for me as well!! I have probably needed them more lately than at any
other time in my life, and I am sooo thrilled that I¡¦m able to pass
on to you some absolutely amazing news regarding how God is in the process
of answering your prayers!
I don¡¦t have time to share with you the encouraging things, in this
letter, that have been continuing to happen regarding ministry, but
wanted to quickly update you on some personal things that have been
happening lately...I¡¦ll give you a bit more detail in my next update
which should be soon. But this will give you some idea of why it¡¦s
been so long since you¡¦ve heard from me and hopefully encourage you!
Basically, to sum up, God has miraculously delivered me literally
from the point of death and renewed my life! And although I have believed
for nearly 20 years that He has promised to heal me, I have never felt
that this is AT THE DOOR like I feel it is now! I wouldn¡¦t be surprised
if I¡¦m completely healed by Christmas, and would be extremely grateful
if you would pray with me to those ends as I share with you in this
letter and my coming update some of the literally hundreds of passages
that I feel God has been leading me to and impressing on my heart the
past weeks to fill my heart with faith in these directions!
Where do I begin?!!
ACCIDENT:
=========
In my last update I had told you that I had just been recovering from
my move and then I had been rear-ended in a car accident on Good Friday.
It was a minor accident but even that impact has ended up throwing my
body into a total tailspin and out of any remaining remission any parts
of my body have been in! I have spent the past months at home, other
than more than about 50 doctor-type appts. I've had *** some regarding
my potential upcoming surgeries but most of them having to do with the
accident.
I would deeply appreciate your prayers regarding this situation...not
only for my health, but also in how ICBC responds. Because I have a
pre-existing health condition and my car only had a scratch on the bumper,
they have not wanted to pay for any of my medical costs resulting from
the accident, because I have to have proof that I¡¦m actually worse
than I was before, but how can one prove that when some of my last x-rays
before that were some years before? I can see their point because they
are often being defrauded, but.... The health costs for this accident,
to date, if they don't come through, are already around $1000, but I
keep sensing God saying that He is my Advocate and Just Judge and that
He is my Defender and Deliverer and my Glorious Sword, and that I am
not to lean on my own understanding but to trust Him, and so that is
what I have been doing.
Initially I was very angry with them for their stance, especially because
it brought up vivid memories of 2 other accidents almost identical to
this which I've had in the past 10 years, where I had the injuries,
where, like this one, ICBC even acknowledged that the accident wasn't
my fault, but that they still made me pay for everything, even though
the other driver and I had insurance. I hadn't realized that I was still
resentful towards ICBC about this, and felt that God wanted me to repent
of that and forgive them and to bless them and trust Him with the consequences.
By God's grace He enabled me to forgive and I'm so grateful for the
peace that He has given me in this. Shortly after that it looked like
they may be having a change of heart. However, since then my adjuster
has left and another adjuster has come onto the scene, who hasn't met
me, and it looks like he may be going back to the original stance. BUT
GOD IS ABLE to overcome and to handle this, and I would ask you to pray
that I will continue to trust in Him and not let the enemy cause me
to become anxious or resentful again. And please pray that God would
provide all that HE thinks is fair for me. It has meant not only the
medical costs, but so far, almost 4 months of much worse pain and debilitation
than I have ever experienced before. THANK YOU SOOO MUCH for your prayers
and 'holding my arms up'with your faith as well!!!!
Because of the constant and intensified physical agony and increased
debilitation, where everything, even walking across the floor or dressing
has become a major struggle, I had also become totally exhausted, including
emotionally and spiritually. I had already been in a spiritual desert/winter
for the past 3-4 years, and so to keep resisting the constant barrage
of fears and thoughts of discouragement and temptations to despair became
increasingly difficult (for example, the Arthritis Society has been
strongly suggesting that I move into a seniors home with full time personal
care -I'm only 41!, and so this is just one of the many fears and emotional
struggles that piled up on top of everything else). I became unable
to continue to take my thoughts captive and the only thing I was still
able to do to 'fight'in the midst of my absolute weakness in every way
was to thank God for who He is in the situation and thank Him that He
is/was with me and that He was still able to do the impossible even
though I had no idea how, and to thank Him that He is strong in my weakness
and that His grace is sufficient for me, etc.
AT THE LOWEST POINT:
====================
About a month or so ago, for about a week there were a number of days
when I literally felt that I was at death's door. I have never been
at that place in my life to this point before.
One night, I was at the lowest point I have ever been in. I was in excruciating
pain and wa pretty sure I wouldn't live through the night.
In many ways I was greatly relieved at the thought that I could potentially
finally be out of this body and home with the Lord, but on the other
hand, I couldn't figure out why the worse I get, the more vision I feel
God keeps pouring into my heart, and the more I see Him bringing these
things to pass! I also couldn't bear the thought of leaving my family
with debt or with some folks I know being angry with God because of
my health, etc. I knew I was at the point of death and almost felt like
I had a choice of whether to go or stay...I don't know that I actually
chose or not??, but I felt like I was ready to go either way, although
my concerns keeping me here perhaps had some influence in keeping me
here - maybe I did make a choice, however subconscious or vague it seemed
at the time...
Anyway, God in His love and mercy identified with me that night in a
way which began to stir faith and hope in my heart again, something
which was hanging on by a miniscule thread by that time. I can't think
about this or write about it without being absolutely touched to the
depth of my being and having the tears flow, as they are again.
As you know, when we go through trials, NO ONE, no matter how much they
love us, try to understand us and no matter how close they are to us
can possibly understand what we are going through and all of it¡¦s many
implications.
God has given me much grace in the fact that I have rarely felt lonely
since I have been a believer. This to me is an incredible gift! Even
in being so much more isolated again, I have not felt lonely. HOWEVER,
in the area of what I go through and have been going through the past
months, especially, with all of my many related health issues which
have become huge seemingly insurmountable megamountains staring me in
the face physically, financially, logistically, and even potentially
the thought of having to move again after just recuperating from my
last move, has made me feel very lonely. And being in a spiritual desert
and feeling, already, that God has been hiding His face from me in my
personal life in many ways over the past years, even though in terms
of ministry He has been very real, has made me feel even more alone
in this, especially when it has seemed He has been waiting FOREVER to
respond to the cries of my heart! Recently I have become desperate on
many accounts, and perhaps I needed to get to that place of absolute
desperation before He answered?
Anyway, my deepest needs that night were not physical, as desperate
as I felt about that, also. But my deepest needs were spiritual and
emotional, and what God did totally met me right there!
I WANT TO KNOW THE FELLOWSHIP OF YOUR SUFFERINGS
AND THE POWER OF YOUR RESURRECTION
=====================
How Jesus met and ministered to me that night is something only He could
do, and He gave me a deeper revelation of Himself through His identification
with me in this situation, by also letting me see that He has also been
allowing me to get a better taste of the fellowship of His sufferings.
My main prayers the past 2 years or so have been - Lord, please make
me a wholehearted worshipper! And - please cause me to decrease so that
you may increase¨. Dangerous prayers, yes, and I knew they would be,
but what else is there? I have been longing for the kind of intimacy
I used to have with Him before the desert/winter, but sure enough, I
have had to walk through this valley of the shadow of death to experience
not only the intimacy I experienced before, but deeper intimacy than
I have ever experienced! I know more hard times lie ahead, but this
again gives me hope that as I continue to learn to HIDE MYSELF IN HIM
(which is something He's been gradually teaching me about lately), He'll
continue to bring me THROUGH situations, and from DARKNESS TO LIGHT.
It is indeed in these dark places where we experience the deepest TREASURES.
And although in the desert I felt like Jesus was hiding from me (the
Bible talks about the desert as being a place where He is wooing us
to Himself....and the Song of Solomon talks about him hiding from his
beloved in order to make her want to be with Him even more) - which
is certainly what has happened, though I didn't realize it at the time....but
in the desert I became desperate for Him, and since my darkest night
a month ago, He has become my OASIS!
What happened was that I sensed that Jesus was taking me, arm in arm,
on a journey with Him through the last week of His life -going through
all He went through in being mocken and beaten, taking the splintered
cross onto His badly mashed back and all of the agony on the cross.
I sensed He was identifying with me in my physical agony, and not only
that, but in my emotional agony. It has been very difficult to try to
come to grips, emotionally, with all of my weight gain and rapidly increasing
disfigurements, and I often see people staring at me, though they are
not being mean or meaning to make me feel bad. I can't blame them for
looking...I do not look normal! I felt that Jesus was identifying with
me in that, too, because people despised and rejected Him because He
was so disfigured that He wasn't even recognizable! And there are many
other emotional aspects that I have struggled with greatly especially
the past weeks just before this night. And spiritually, if I ever felt
alone on this journey re my health and if I ever felt like God was far
off in this time, He felt that ultimately more deeply than I did! In
all of these aspects He not only went through much more, but He took
on the VERY PAIN, PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY AND SPIRITUALLY that I was
going through and I KNEW HE UNDERSTOOD COMPLETELY because HE has felt,
and FEELS, what I was/am going through, then and right now!!
I have known this at various levels, but this time He brought it to
a new depth of revelation in my heart! I knew that He loved me, UNDERSTOOD,
was with me and wouldn't leave me, and I felt like He was giving me
a treasure by allowing me to also identify with Him, a bit, in the fellowship
of His sufferings. And IN THAT He actually DELIVERED me from death and
brought resurrection to my spirit and soul! - (He restores my soul -
Ps23) What He did began to stir flickers of faith and hope in my heart
again, and He filled my heart with peace, and before long I was asleep
and the pain left for the night!
Another thing He brought to a deeper level in my heart is that just
as I receive His salvation from sin by faith as a done deal, so part
of His character is that He IS our SALVATION and our HEALER...He cannot
separate Himself from who He is in that, and it IS His will to save
and it IS His will to heal, and although I have known this for years
and have studied healing in the Bible for many years, it was like the
penny dropped into my heart a little further in this regard, and this,
too, began to stir in my heart new hope and faith for healing!
Since then, the pain is back, but the past few weeks have been an incredible
process of Him FILLING my heart and mind with His promises - about healing
and about all kinds of other things He's confirming in my life which
He's briefly alluded to here and there the past few years, whether I'm
in the Word or whatever I'm doing... I have never known that there was
sooo much in the Bible about healing!! -even though I've read it all
before....and I never had any idea that it talks sooo much about feet,
bones, ankles, knees, etc.!! (ie. He makes my feet like the feet of
a deer; the sun of righteousness rises with healing in its wings and
they will LEAP LIKE CALVES RELEASED FROM THE STALL, etc.). I know many
of these are talking figuratively, but I feel like He is saying to me
that they are also literally what He is wanting to do with my body!!
OUT OF THE SPIRITUL DESERT/WINTER!!!
=====================================
Though I was in a spiritual desert for 3-4 years, and beginning to wonder
whether God would EVER bring me out of it, that night the desert ended!
And He has been SUDDENLY hoisting me out of the pit spiritually and
emotionally...now I'm just waiting for the physical to catch up!
Interestingly, 1 year into my desert, when I was hoping it was almost
over, He gave me a picture of a dead-looking winter tree as I felt compelled
to look at this tree beside the road. I felt like He was saying to me,
then, that although to me my spiritual life looked dead, He was doing
a lot of work preparing me for my spiritual springtime. And I felt that,
in several pictures He gave me like this at the time, that this change
from winter to spring would come SUDDENLY, as new leaves SUDDENLY burst
forth in spring! And this is exactly what has happened! For the past
few years it has been sooo hard to spend time with the Lord and in His
Word, etc., and I have failed miserably in that regard from my perspective,
but OVERNIGHT God has given me such a ravishing desire for Him that
every morning He has been waking me up at 3, 4 or 5 am and I've been
devouring His Word and praying for hours and it just flies by! This
is a total miracle....certainly nothing I can claim any credit for!
It is only by His grace and mercy!!! And if you're in a desert, please
know that He wants to, just as He did for me, SUDDENLY bring you out!!
In Job 26 there is a WONDERFUL passage which describes what He has been
doing! It goes like this: Those who suffer HE DELIVERS - IN - their
suffering; He speaks to them IN their affliction. He is wooing you from
the JAWS OF DISTRESS (sound familiar in your situation, too?) into a
SPACIOUS PLACE FREE FROM RESTRICTION - TO THE COMFORT OF YOUR TABLE
LADEN WITH CHOICE FOOD!
The funny thing is that when I've had my specific times with the Lord
in the mornings, I literally feel like I've had a big feast! I feel
full, have a sigh and go to sleep for a few hours cause I feel so satisfied
after my spiritual meal! I have to laugh cause it's just like when I
eat a big delicious meal! I¡¦ve never felt like this before in the same
way! He has filled my heart to overflowing and I have been laughing
and crying because He keeps touching me in ways that I have never experienced
to this degree before! Though my body is just as wrecked, so far, as
it was before, HE HAS INDEED RESURRECTED me from the point of death
and RENEWED MY LIFE! And He has confirmed that to me through His Word
in many passages of Scripture. I KNOW He will fulfill His purposes for
me because He has EXTENDED my life! He has confirmed this to me through
the story of Hezekiah in Is. 37?. I had, also, felt, this past year,
that God had asked me to put my house in order, and I have really wondered
whether I would live till Christmas. But, just as in that chapter, which
to me is the story of what I've been going through the past months,
I know that He has extended my life because He is not finished with
me down here.
MORE SONGS ON THE HORIZON!
===========================
Not only that, but the same passage and many others that He has brought
to my attention are confirming to me that He is going to be giving me
more songs again! I have not written any for the past few years since
the last song I wrote about being in the spiritual desert! SUDDENLY
I'm being inspired to write songs again about various passages I've
been reading, and about various aspects of God's character. This morning
I also felt inspired to do a piece of artwork for my wall about Is.
37 -the story of Hezekiah's illness, because I feel it is to be like
a spiritual marker in my life, on my wall in my house, to remind me
of what God did at this crucial point in my life, to help encourage
me in the future when I go through tests and faith challenges more difficult
than the past few months.
I have never done this kind of art before, but feel that God has put
some specific ideas in my heart regarding what it's to look like, so
I'm very excited about that, and we'll see what happens... º
FURTHER ENCOURAGEMENTS:
======================
Do you remember the cat God provided in answer to my specific prayers?
Well, as strange as this may seem, this cat, though he has some emotional
hangups once a month for a few daysº, I cannot tell you how much of
a blessing it has been to have this constant reminder of God's love
and personal care walking around my house all the time when I was going
through the darkest parts of my valley!
He has been doing so many other things to encourage me, since then,
too....even in the area of finances.
I was wondering why the government seems to be so opposed to supporting
me with disability pension and other potential funding options, etc.,
and still sees me as employable even though I can hardly function --
even now I can hardly function but having a revived heart has been sooo
encouraging! But
basically I feel God has clearly shown me, through various ways - I'll
tell you more another day - that at least at this point in life I won't
have to go on government funding...I really didn't want to anyway cause
it makes you feel like such a criminal (I was on gov¡¦t funding years
ago also for my health reasons), but I was open to it and didn't see
other options, but I feel God has confirmed in a number of ways that
He is going to continue to provide for me in the same way He has been,
through continuing to provide for me through His people, and this, too,
gives me hope that He wants me to continue to do what He has put on
my heart!!! º The way He made this clear is totally awesome as well!
But another time.... º
DRY BONES
==========
The other passage, which I'd never seen in this light before, is the
passage about the valley of the DRY BONES...and in reading this passage,
I specifically felt God asking to me to say, in faith, what Ezekiel
was supposed to say as he prophesied to the bones, and so I have prophesised
these things to my bones, even though it's a bit out of my comfort zone
in this!!!, but I think God is going to have me/His people doing a lot
more prophesying like this in the future and I think He's using this
to move me into deeper waters...
But I've also been sensing that He may be wanting me to ask others to
prophesy these things to my bones if they feel He is leading them to
do that, and so perhaps this is also something that He might ask you
to do? I haven't heard the noise of my bones rattling yet, but I'm expecting
to before too long!! This miracle in this passage required creative
miracles - sinews and flesh being added where there were none...that
is just what I need, since most of my joints have disintegrated!
So I am OVERJOYED to be able to pass on to you this update until I have
a chance to share more about this with you, because it is encouraging
for me to be able to finally give you some good news about the way God
is answering your many prayers re my healing, etc.!!!!!!!
He continues to encourage me with verses such as the following: (Heb
10?)
"SO DO NOT THROW AWAY YOUR CONFIDENCE, FOR IT WILL BE RICHLY REWARDED.
YOU NEED TO PERSEVERE, so that WHEN YOU HAVE DONE THE WILL OF GOD, YOU
WILL RECEIVE WHAT HE HAS PROMISED.
Another one of the many encouraging things God has been
reminding me of is the following from Morris Cerullo:
GOD SAID...
Don't look to the bigness of your need
Look to the bigness of your God!
Your circumstances are hindrances to seeing
MY ABILITIES...
If you keep your eyes on your circumstances, the devil will
use your circumstances to defeat you
and accuse the Word of God
...the written and the Living Word.
YOUR VICTORY
is in keeping your eyes on the bigness
of your God and HIS ability.
HE HAS PROMISED
to take you STEP by STEP by STEP...
not all at once...
But step...
By step and...
Each step will be a Miracle!
By Morris Cerullo
I trust that these passages and the story of God¡¦s faithfulness above
will deeply encourage your hearts as well, no matter what He is bringing
you THROUGH at this time!!
I love you all so much and am praying for you. You are such treasures!!!
THANK YOU SOOO MUCH for your on-going love and prayers and support in
every way!!!
Truly I am sure I would not be sharing this story of God¡¦s faithfulness
with you if it wasn¡¦t for your VITAL part in my life and in what God
has put on your hearts in your deeply valued support of me through your
on-going faithful and persevering prayers and in so many ways!
With deepest appreciation and affection, and with great joy and much
anticipation,
Your sister,
Grace
Grace (Wiebe)
Enclosed please find the booklet I had hoped to send to you last time...the
incredible story of a house church leader in China who has gone through
major persecution - it is an incredibly inspiring story and one which
has recently helped to strengthen me greatly through what I've been
going through, as well, and I trust it will be of immense value in your
lives as well!
I've also included an article about united prayer for the cities and
how God is using that to transform cities. This article is from FAITH
TODAY, one of Canada's leading evangelical magazines. It is soo encouraging
how God is stirring the hearts of many across the country in these directions,
to seek the heart of God in united prayer so that our cities and nation
can return to Him and be discipled as is His desire! By the way, the
second Transformations video is now out, and includes a major section
about what God is doing in the Arctic and which is sweeping the northern
regions! Incredible!! I would encourage you to order a copy. Let me
know if you'd like the ordering info.
Jer 31:3,4 I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you
with lovingkindness. I will BUILD YOU UP AGAIN and you WILL be rebuilt....again
you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful!