A Few Biblical Principles of Listening
* * *
- Ken Williams, Wycliffe Counselling
Dept.
December 1990
Permission granted to for non-profit use
Ken's
excellent web site
The way we listen must be very important to God because He says so much
about it. The Scriptures provide many examples and much specific teaching
on effective listening.
Here are a few principles from the Word which are especially important in
ministering to hurting people. Each of these principles is demonstrated in
Jesus' encounter with the woman at the well (Jn 4:6-27). Other Scriptures
reinforce the concepts. As you develop and apply these skills you will be
fruitful in your ministry to others.
1. COMMUNICATE YOUR WILLINGNESS TO GIVE OF YOURSELF TO THE PERSON
Even though Jesus was tired, and it was clearly not cultural to speak to a
Samaritan woman, He initiated a conversation with her. In 1 Pet.3:8 it says
we are to 'be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble."
In these ways we communicate to those who hurt that we have time for them
and are willing to help.
2. DETERMINITE WHAT LEVEL THE PERSON IS ON AND GET ON THAT LEVEL WITH THEM.
In John 4 Jesus knew that the woman needed to be on a heart level, and He
got on that level with her. Although we don't have His insight into the
heart, we can prayerfully work at truly understanding the person, and
relating on His level, even though we might personally rather be on another
level. Prov. 18:2 says "A fool finds no pleasure in understanding, but
delights in airing his own opinions." See the illustration entitled,
"Where
are you?"
3. IF THE PERSON IS ON A HEART LEVEL, SEEK TO ENTER INTO HIS FEELINGS.
Though the passage in John 4 doesn't specifically mention this, the woman's
responses indicate that she really felt his non-condemning empathy for her.
Other passages clearly demonstrate his ability to ente4r into peoples'
feelings, e.g. Jn 11:33-35. IN 1 Pet 3:8 the Greek word translated
"sympathetic" means to actually enter into another's feelings and
take them
on as though they were our own. When we do this we are free from judging,
condemning or disagreeing at this stage of the helping process.
4. PUT YOUR UNDERSTANDING INTO WORDS.
Jesus understood the woman's deep need for water from the well of eternal
life and for a Messiah, and put these needs into words for her. This is the
most difficult step for most people. It is not parroting, interpreting, or
approving of wrongdoing. It consists of 'getting into' the person's
feelings to the degree that you can express them in your own words, so that
he can hear his feelings verbalized. Note how well Jesus did this in Luke
10:40-42. This kind of response can do the following for hurting people:
v A kind word cheers up an anxious heart. Prov 12:25
v We can sustain the weary with a word. Is. 50:4
v A wise response brings healing. Prov 12:18
v A gentle answer turns away wrath or helps resolve it Prov 15:1
v Pleasant words can bring healing to soul and body. Prov 16:24
v We have an opportunity to build others up. Eph 4:29
5. SEEK TO DRAW THE PERSON OUT
Notice how skillfully Jesus drew out the Samaritan woman by responding to
each of her statements in such a way that she wanted to share more, and on
a
deeper level. Carefully listen and comment on what the person is saying in
such a way that he feels INVITED AND ENCOURAGED to share more, but never
pressured. Observations, sensitive self-disclosure, and a few well-laced
questions make it easier for him to share what is on his heart. Prov 20:5
says "The purposes in a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of
understanding draws them out". This process lets the hurting person lead
the conversation, to go where and as far as he wants to go. See the
illustration entitled "Focus Your Responses" for ideas on how to
focus on
the heart.
6. BE SENSITIVE FOR THE RIGHT TIMING BEFORE TRYING TO BRING ABOUT CHANGE
One common mistake in listening is to jump in too soon with attempts to
change the person or his situation through confrontation, teaching,
solutions, advice, etc. Again, notice how long Jesus interacted with the
woman before confronting her with her one real need (Himself as Messiah),
and then only after she brought up the subject, as He gently drew her out.
You must know the person's deep HEART NEEDS before you can address those
needs, and this usually takes time. Refer again to Prov 18:13.."He who
answers before listening, that is his folly and his shame".
May the Lord make you fruitful and effective in your ministry to others as
you grow to be more like Christ, especially in learning to listen as He
listened.
Great Commission Worship & Arts Center