Breaking the Spirit of Performance

Breaking the Spirit of Performance

Breaking the Spirit of Performance - by Kelly Carpenter
From: http://www.kellycarpenter.com

"In last month's Reflections article we explored the difference between worship and performance. I showed how the performance mindset can pollute true worship. I also observed that most trained musicians are indoctrinated with the performance mindset.

This month is a continuation of the previous article. So, if you have not read it yet, please do so, as it will describe in depth the problem. This month, I would like to offer a couple of solutions. It is one thing to recognize that we bring the performance mindset into our worship, but it is another thing entirely to be able to experience the liberation of breaking free from the stronghold of performance. And stronghold it is, because it strikes at the very core issues of our identity and security.

Let's explore the performance mindset a little. Even though I generally live free of this pesky little nuisance, it is still something I struggle with. There are many times when I catch myself thinking about how well I played or sang a certain passage of music, or even how well I really caught the "flow" of the Holy Spirit in leading the people, or in the prophetic words I spoke or sang. It is almost like we have a part of us that observes us from the outside, constantly rating our performance. Our goal is to do an excellent job, worthy of praise. At the very least, we want to not make a fool out of ourselves. We want to look good.

Lately I have been calling this detached inner critic the "Ego-Cam". After we have done something, we relentlessly hit the Instant Replay to evaluate our performance. "Oooh... I shouldn't have said that... that was stupid!" "Wow, I really did okay with that." Now if you happen to be one of those 2% of artists that don't have an introspective bone in your body, then you can stop here.

I have found that most artistic types are insecure people. Occasionally, we run across people who are very obviously a slave to their image; "the world is their stage" we muse. But, most of us are that way to one extent or another. The Ego-Cam won't give us a moment's rest. It even displays statistics that measure our performance against the ideals of perfection and beauty.

As I asked last month, why do we perform? I believe it primarily comes down to the desire or need to impress others and gain recognition and approval from them. We hope that people will like us and be impressed with us. We want to please somebody. And we just want to feel good about ourselves, and we can do so when we feel we have attained some externally-defined level of "acceptable" or "excellent".

Simply put, we have needs to fulfill the inner man, and we look for external things to fulfill those needs. And so we look for external things to give us a sense of security: material things, relationships, success, and power.

I have news for you, and I speak from personal experience: Our Heavenly Father is very faithful to challenge and (if need be) remove ALL of those things from which we get our sense of security that are not of Him. He wants us to depend on Him and Him alone. So, if we look to other things, He will take them away. Now, He may give them back, but only after we are no longer dependent upon them for our sense of security. The Lord loves us and really wants us to grow up, and He disciplines those He loves (Heb. 12).

So, why do we care about breaking the spirit of performance? Two reasons. First, it interferes with true worship. And second, it interferes with our personal growth. God challenges us to get rid of the Ego-Cam. He wants us to worship Him in spirit and truth. So He wants us to be able to live with a whole heart so we can worship and serve Him whole-heartedly. Get the picture?
In Psalm 86, David expresses it this way:

Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart to revere your name.
I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart,
and I will glorify your name forever. (Ps. 86:11-12 NRSV)

How do we break the spirit of performance? Two primary ways. The first deals with the problem directly. The second involves developing positive patterns.

First, we must learn to repent. We need to actively change the way we think about our performance. The problem is, there are not many alternatives to the word "performance" to describe the act of playing and singing music. We really do "perform" music. So, what do we call it? I suggest the word "offering" as an alternative. If we are worshiping the Lord in spirit and in truth, then we are giving the Lord more of an "offering" than a "performance". Ever heard of the "sacrifice of praise"? Our contemporary forms of worship are the New Covenant substitute for the Levitcal order of thank offerings, sin offerings, etc.

So, we must STOP thinking about worship as a performance and START thinking about worship as an offering.

If we are trying to fulfill our need for approval and recognition, we must repent of this.

If we are getting our sense of identity through our music or position, we must repent of this.

If we are comparing ourselves to others, whether we are doing better or worse, we must repent of this.

If we are measuring ourselves against some standard of perfection or excellence, we must repent of this.

If we are trying to impress someone with our talents, we must repent of this.

The question we should ask the Lord during and after we have worshiped Him is this: "Lord, did I worship You with my whole heart? Did I worship You in spirit and truth." If we find that part of our mind and heart were occupied with aspects of our performance, then we simply confess this to the Lord and submit it to the cross.

Like any kind of sin, we may initially need to turn our wayward thoughts over to the Lord every moment we're aware of them during our time of worship. But after a time, we will have broken the pattern, and we will have replaced it with new habits and patterns.

That brings us to the second part of the solution; that is, establishing positive patterns of worship.
I believe that the only long-term effective way to overcome the mindset of performance is to develop a rich devotional life that incorporates worship. If we can learn to worship in our quiet times--away from the platform--then we'll learn to worship for the right reasons with the right heart. If we develop this habit daily, and we lead or participate in worship once a week, then we will be using our gift in a non-performance capacity six times more than when we are up on the platform. This allows us to develop the proper mindset the vast majority of the time.

But wait, there's more to this. Once during a quiet time many years ago, I felt the Lord distinctly communicate to me, "Please play for me. I love to hear you play for me". Well, I was just about blown out of the water to think that the Lord really loved to hear me play for Him. I mean, what could I possibly have to offer that would be good enough? But, then I began to understand that the Lord wanted my offering, not my performance. So I learned to start playing for Him in my devotional times, or just whenever. This radically transformed my mindset about playing for the Lord. He was interested in my offerings.

I don't believe His word was just for me, but for all of us. I highly encourage you to develop the habit of just playing your instrument (or if you just sing, spontaneously sing) for the Lord as a musical offering. I am describing something different here than focusing on the words of a worship song as we worship. I am talking about offering our music to the Lord: the notes and chords we play and the notes we sing. Let them be an offering to Him also. Don't think of them as just a vehicle for your worship but let them be a part of the very essence of your worship. Think of them as the perfume that Mary poured on Jesus' feet.

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